Welcome to Buttercup Corner. Please share your thoughts!

What can we do to promote world peace?
"Go home and love your family."
-Mother Teresa

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mommy Politics

As planned, I have posted some lovely cozy photos of things I associate with Mother's Day-- my son at age 1 (note the rash on the cheeks-- after months of agony, we discovered he was sensitive to all chemically fragranced soaps or detergents), and the baby quilt my grandmother and I made for him.

But for some reason I just couldn't get excited about this post. All day I thought about how much I love being a mother, how lucky I am to be home with two healthy, beautiful children. But then after supper, I listened to the Women's Circle on my local college radio, and found myself sobbing over the dishes (anyone else experienced this?) Yes, I have done it before, but usually it was for selfish reasons in the past. This time, it was less so. I was crying because of the songs I heard, songs about mothers whose children died in wars, about women who cried together to cope with the pain of losing their children. I thought of how lucky I am, how sad and ashamed I am to be so fortunate here in my safe little bubble while other women's worlds are destroyed by the deaths of their children. Then I began to feel angry.

I never identified myself as political until I became a mother. I felt rather dispassionate politically throughout young adulthood, maybe because I was fortunate enough to grow up unscathed by any major social evils, such as poverty, war, or abuse. With the birth of my first child, things began to change. Her very birth was a struggle-- a struggle to find a place and a doctor who would allow me to give birth in the manner I chose: drug-free and with low interference on the doctor's part. Then, the struggle to breast-feed in a culture that at best turns a blind eye, and at worst, looks away in disgusted awkwardness. And now: the struggle to teach my kids that constant accumulation of more toys, more clothes, more everything is not the way to happiness. The struggle to feed them things that I consider to be food and not garbage. Don't even get me started on trying to avoid/compete with television or other influences that would teach my daughter to mimic adult sexuality in her dress, speech and behavior. Last year my search for toddler-sized flip flops led me to 3 main department stores full of only high-heeled flip-flops!!!

I don't feel like my expectations are too high. I want to raise children who wait until an appropriate age (as in at least 16!) to become sexually active. I want them to have strong, healthy minds and bodies, affected less by the media than by their natural impulses to eat food that truly feeds them and explore the outdoors or act-out play stories of their own creation. I want to raise a daughter who values herself as more than a beautiful, sexual object or a sharp-witted brain. I want to raise a son who values himself more than his ability to win at a competitive sport or excel in school. I don't think it is too much to ask of my country or society that it provide a safe, healthy environment for my children. Unfortunately, it seems increasingly less able to do so.

Granted, my expectations seem ridiculous when compared with the basic requests of mothers across the world who would only ask that their children not be killed. My requests are insignificant in comparison, and I am willing to admit that I am grateful to my country for providing at least this amount of safety to my children. However, my country does not do the same for all of its citizens, and most definitely participates in the killing of children in other countries. I placed the button on my blog last week to start becoming vocal about my feelings on this issue.

With these thoughts in my head, I couldn't help but wonder, what would happen if mothers were a real political force? Just think: REAL maternity leave (ever hear about Scandanavian maternity leave!?), on-site daycare at your workplace, no marketing to children via television, billboards or the internet, more programs to help people recover from child or sexual abuse, school systems that actually produce healthy, happy, thinking children, juvenile detention and prison programs that focus on healing and reconciliation... The list goes on.

How could we mothers, in spite of our differences in race, culture, or religion, not see past those differences to our shared and very simlar bonds of motherhood? I think we could. I think the only thing stopping us is a belief that we cannot make a difference. Maybe we can. We have to start somewhere. Hence my Motherhood Manifesto. :) I would love to hear yours.


Teaching Handwork said...

I was crying last night over an email a friend sent me about a man who took his mother out to dinner and how they never spent any time together and how much they enjoyed this dinner together and then 3 days later she died of a heart attach.
so there I was sobbing about how little time I spend with my mom....

Amy said...

Thanks for speaking up.

Anonymous said...

Very well said! I think my Motherhood Manifesto would sound almost exactly like yours :)

Andrea said...

Hello Celandine,
I have wanted to comment on this post for weeks, but haven't found sufficient time to do so. Your 'manifesto' is so spot on! It succeeds in encapsulating what I know more and more mothers feel -- our voices, our experiences, our hopes for our children are not being heard. It is sometimes so difficult to live in a world where we are viewed as little more than a marketing audience, constantly being encouraged to buy into the latest trend, when all the while we are just trying to cling to those qualities that make us truly human (our vulnerability, our capacity to love, our ability to think critically, admire the beauty of this world, speak the truth). It takes so much energy some days to just air on the side of what truly matters, to show our children the value of simplicity, of silence, of effort. I'm so glad to know that there are women/mothers like you who are mustering that needed energy day after day, right along side of me!

Poppy & Mei said...

Mmmmmmm, like emilie, my manifesto would sound very much like yours.
Maybe we need to start a blog or a ring or a board where we can encourage each other to speak up.
I'm right in the middle of moving right now but when that's done I'd love to hear if you are interested...Xxx